racism...

...something i'm becoming more and more thoughtful and passionate about.

one of my best and dearest friends in the world is a black man. that in and of itself has indirectly exposed me to a lot of the racism of others and taught me to be careful how i think of things.

i think i felt true racism for the first time in my life earlier this year. and i may partly have felt it because i was tired and overworked, and it came upon me at times when i was mentally weak anyway. and not that i did or would ever have acted on it, but it did raise some questions in my mind. it led me to wonder whether i should consider that some cultures are superior to others. after all, the reason i felt racism against certain people was because of their culture, not really their race.

and not to say that my culture is really superior to another... that would be a dangerous thought. but i do think that if i am allowed (and encouraged) to dislike certain aspects of my own culture, then i should be allowed to also, respectfully and lovingly, dislike aspects of other cultures. this does not mean i can discriminate against a person of another culture, any more than i would discriminate against myself. but i think it is ok and good even to dislike aspecs of other cultures.

that said... more careful thought is needed.

summer in akron

i have to turn in my school laptop today... and so i've been sitting here, removing the files that i've built up over the past two semesters.

and what a weird two semesters it has been. i thought things would be different this year... i thought i would be more free, as opposed to more busy. rather i was constantly faced with choices consisting of whether i would succeed in school (and by "succeed" i mean, "pass", not exactly excel) or whether i would do all the things i would have liked, and by all accounts, probably "should" have done.

this summer i will be interning at first energy, with thier "rates and regulatory group", whatever that means (statstical cost/input forecasting, i think). it was weird, i ran into a guy i'm acquainted with at a wedding, who is a big VP at first energy... asked me what i was doing this summer and gave me a job. in praying about whether or not to take it, i realized that my choices about where i was going were simple: it is between reestablishing my akron roots and running off to somewhere else in the world. i don't know how i feel about working "a real job". i don't know how i feel about a movement towards settling down, which is what is probably expected of me, especially with my health. but i felt that God led and took me to this place and brought me suddenly through a door, and i do love akron. but i'm somewhat averse to the thought of settling down so soon. that seems like an irreversable thing, once it happens.

i look forward to life being more settled though for the summer, as opposed to my consistent near all-nighters and 7day, 5night work weeks for school.

we have not been writing
none of us
except joe...


i hope to join him in that next week, as i will be done with the craziest semester of my life on friday night.

hopefully my sanity will begin to return then... and my ability to keep up with the people i care about.