i look to the end of the summer for some changes: back to school for the last semester, moving to my third house in three years (also other people moving to new houses), as always in the fall good friends are moving on, weddings (no not mine), and moving into a new phase at my church where i'm not sure if i even have a place at the moment.
weird. and a weird summer it's been.
i want to write some thoughts about boston. i want to write some thoughts about the business world. i want to write some thougths about relationships.
i'm going to wait a few days i think.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
lessons from the first few weeks of a desk job, Part 1
this is my first 8-5 experience. before this, for employment i have mostly been a server or a camp counselor. those are distinctive lifestyles in and of themselves...
but now, i sit in a cubicle, and mostly do things that amount to programming excel all day. which unfortunately i am good at, and so they continue to have me do it.
and doing this has brought to a head many things i had been feeling about my life, that i won't go in to at the moment, but the biggest thing it has brought me to, is to reevaluate why i began in economics in the first place.
this leads to two things:
1) there is nothing wrong of course with choosing to take a stable job and raise a family in a stable manner (though this gets more complicated if you are a woman, the way our culture works...)
2) i don't believe that i signed up for economics to sit in an office all day. i have a degree in math; i am already perfectly equipped to be useful in an office. however, this had led to my discovery of my own dealings with temptation.
i intend to post on these two things separately.
but now, i sit in a cubicle, and mostly do things that amount to programming excel all day. which unfortunately i am good at, and so they continue to have me do it.
and doing this has brought to a head many things i had been feeling about my life, that i won't go in to at the moment, but the biggest thing it has brought me to, is to reevaluate why i began in economics in the first place.
this leads to two things:
1) there is nothing wrong of course with choosing to take a stable job and raise a family in a stable manner (though this gets more complicated if you are a woman, the way our culture works...)
2) i don't believe that i signed up for economics to sit in an office all day. i have a degree in math; i am already perfectly equipped to be useful in an office. however, this had led to my discovery of my own dealings with temptation.
i intend to post on these two things separately.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
racism...
...something i'm becoming more and more thoughtful and passionate about.
one of my best and dearest friends in the world is a black man. that in and of itself has indirectly exposed me to a lot of the racism of others and taught me to be careful how i think of things.
i think i felt true racism for the first time in my life earlier this year. and i may partly have felt it because i was tired and overworked, and it came upon me at times when i was mentally weak anyway. and not that i did or would ever have acted on it, but it did raise some questions in my mind. it led me to wonder whether i should consider that some cultures are superior to others. after all, the reason i felt racism against certain people was because of their culture, not really their race.
and not to say that my culture is really superior to another... that would be a dangerous thought. but i do think that if i am allowed (and encouraged) to dislike certain aspects of my own culture, then i should be allowed to also, respectfully and lovingly, dislike aspects of other cultures. this does not mean i can discriminate against a person of another culture, any more than i would discriminate against myself. but i think it is ok and good even to dislike aspecs of other cultures.
that said... more careful thought is needed.
one of my best and dearest friends in the world is a black man. that in and of itself has indirectly exposed me to a lot of the racism of others and taught me to be careful how i think of things.
i think i felt true racism for the first time in my life earlier this year. and i may partly have felt it because i was tired and overworked, and it came upon me at times when i was mentally weak anyway. and not that i did or would ever have acted on it, but it did raise some questions in my mind. it led me to wonder whether i should consider that some cultures are superior to others. after all, the reason i felt racism against certain people was because of their culture, not really their race.
and not to say that my culture is really superior to another... that would be a dangerous thought. but i do think that if i am allowed (and encouraged) to dislike certain aspects of my own culture, then i should be allowed to also, respectfully and lovingly, dislike aspects of other cultures. this does not mean i can discriminate against a person of another culture, any more than i would discriminate against myself. but i think it is ok and good even to dislike aspecs of other cultures.
that said... more careful thought is needed.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
summer in akron
i have to turn in my school laptop today... and so i've been sitting here, removing the files that i've built up over the past two semesters.
and what a weird two semesters it has been. i thought things would be different this year... i thought i would be more free, as opposed to more busy. rather i was constantly faced with choices consisting of whether i would succeed in school (and by "succeed" i mean, "pass", not exactly excel) or whether i would do all the things i would have liked, and by all accounts, probably "should" have done.
this summer i will be interning at first energy, with thier "rates and regulatory group", whatever that means (statstical cost/input forecasting, i think). it was weird, i ran into a guy i'm acquainted with at a wedding, who is a big VP at first energy... asked me what i was doing this summer and gave me a job. in praying about whether or not to take it, i realized that my choices about where i was going were simple: it is between reestablishing my akron roots and running off to somewhere else in the world. i don't know how i feel about working "a real job". i don't know how i feel about a movement towards settling down, which is what is probably expected of me, especially with my health. but i felt that God led and took me to this place and brought me suddenly through a door, and i do love akron. but i'm somewhat averse to the thought of settling down so soon. that seems like an irreversable thing, once it happens.
i look forward to life being more settled though for the summer, as opposed to my consistent near all-nighters and 7day, 5night work weeks for school.
and what a weird two semesters it has been. i thought things would be different this year... i thought i would be more free, as opposed to more busy. rather i was constantly faced with choices consisting of whether i would succeed in school (and by "succeed" i mean, "pass", not exactly excel) or whether i would do all the things i would have liked, and by all accounts, probably "should" have done.
this summer i will be interning at first energy, with thier "rates and regulatory group", whatever that means (statstical cost/input forecasting, i think). it was weird, i ran into a guy i'm acquainted with at a wedding, who is a big VP at first energy... asked me what i was doing this summer and gave me a job. in praying about whether or not to take it, i realized that my choices about where i was going were simple: it is between reestablishing my akron roots and running off to somewhere else in the world. i don't know how i feel about working "a real job". i don't know how i feel about a movement towards settling down, which is what is probably expected of me, especially with my health. but i felt that God led and took me to this place and brought me suddenly through a door, and i do love akron. but i'm somewhat averse to the thought of settling down so soon. that seems like an irreversable thing, once it happens.
i look forward to life being more settled though for the summer, as opposed to my consistent near all-nighters and 7day, 5night work weeks for school.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
i still haven't reconciled
i am increasingly confused by the dichotomy of making people "one of our own", ie, allowing them into my inner circle of friends, and understanding the wisdom of separating from thoes who are not of the same heart.
for example
when i go to a st patty's day party tonight, actually two, where there will be drinking, some of the 'excessive' drinking may occur among people who are within an inner circle of my friends.
someone else may not choose to go to the same party because they feel that it may be 'out of control.' granted that person perhaps does not know my friends in the same way that i do, but will they only see the drinking and not the people?
or will i only see my 'love' for my friends and not what is wisest for them or for myself?
(not that i particularly struggle with the issue of drinking)
Jesus says not to be unequally yoked (whatever that might mean), and the Bible has a consistent message of fleeing from foolishness. though i'm not sure that it means to refuse to be near people who exhibit some foolishness, since Jesus was the friend of sinners to the point of being closest to the scapegoats of society...
for example
when i go to a st patty's day party tonight, actually two, where there will be drinking, some of the 'excessive' drinking may occur among people who are within an inner circle of my friends.
someone else may not choose to go to the same party because they feel that it may be 'out of control.' granted that person perhaps does not know my friends in the same way that i do, but will they only see the drinking and not the people?
or will i only see my 'love' for my friends and not what is wisest for them or for myself?
(not that i particularly struggle with the issue of drinking)
Jesus says not to be unequally yoked (whatever that might mean), and the Bible has a consistent message of fleeing from foolishness. though i'm not sure that it means to refuse to be near people who exhibit some foolishness, since Jesus was the friend of sinners to the point of being closest to the scapegoats of society...
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)