Decisions

I was asked to do something today that I am probably the right person to do. Something that in some ways would be very natural to me I believe, but in other ways might be very hard and play on many of my weaknesses. Regardless of that, it is probably meant that I should do it.

I was asked for help today by a man who has carried the weight of this city on his shoulders far longer than I have, who has spent fifteen years struggling with how to follow Jesus in the midst of the least of these, who has had a very hard year this past.

"You have crowned the year with Your goodness" the Psalmist said.

and so He has.

Sometimes the only real question is who is available to do what needs to be done. And right now, maybe that someone is just me. And God will work out the timing of things.

the Lake we Love

it has been over a year.


This week I organized a group of "young professionals" (what a term) to go clean up trash at Summit Lake park (though the Lake needs it more than the park does...)



It was a nice night, one of the first of the year, and the park was full of activity - basketball, children, baseball, boating, even some older men playing older music and having a tailgate party out of a pickup. Right in the heart of a the neighborhood, in the park i drive past every day. beautiful.


I love Summit Lake. I drive by it every day. It's beautiful from the expressway, and most of the city doesn't know what it is or who goes there. It's unknown and forgotten, even by many who consider themselves Akron lovers, right in the heart of the dangerous part of the city.



Two days before we were scheduled to do this, it looked like we were not going to get anyone. Young professionals are relatively unreliable about weeknight volunteering. I had my fingers on my phone that night, tempted to call in my friends who love this city. People who love the Lake the way I do, and would give up yet another evening in service to the city. I knew they would come. I knew they would give even more of themselves to clean up their park. And yet, why should they? why should I call in people how already give so much? and so I decided against it. I wouldn't call Joe and Nate, Anne and Eric, Jaclyn and Ben, Marci and Neil. I knew they would come. I knew they would serve. But I wouldn't ask them to give up another thing for our park.



We had 6 people show up. The company sent out a camera crew (I will be appearing on our company tv blurb now, great). Great footage of one of us pulling a melted plastic chair and a tire out of the lake and carrying it to the garbage, as though he were a hero. We left our "supplies", which included trash bags and a few fliers, out of sight for five minutes, and of course they were stolen, to the surprise of the group (but not me). And an hour later, they called it quits, not concerned to do any better. not concerned to talk to anyone in the park.



We came, and they left like heroes in their own eyes.



And so things are done in the business world I suppose.



I was appointed co-chair of the community service committee for young professionals. And I have no idea how to create change. No idea how to create a new attitude. No idea how to transform my own sometimes.



I love the lake though. I loved talking to the guys smoking weed outside of the building. I loved watching the kids play. I loved joking with the old men who were having a tailgate party of some sort. I loved that my group looked at me in amazement and confusion, that i would talk to the people of the neighborhood. But I don't know how to create change.

i like homeless people

i'm concerned about homeless people. i've been living in this neighborhood for two years and been a frequent visitor to it for much longer, and i have been started by the number of homeless people as of late.

i remember a time, probably about two years back, when there was a homeless man standing off of route 8 and buchtel, with a sign saying he needed food or work or some such thing. at the time i remember that my friends matt and adam went out to see him, to see what he needed.

now i would say that more often than not during the day, there is a homeless man there with a similar sign. and i've been watching to see if it's the same group of them, it's not. and the areas that they are starting to hang out in are spreading. it could be that the numbers aren't changing and the homeless are just moving around.

but it is not encouraging that i see different ones all the time. and other than the occasional cash or snack that i give them (yes, i do give money to the homeless), i have yet to think of anything that could be done about it. their signs all say that they want work... i have no work to give them. ideas? i don't want to sit here thinking that i can do nothing. i just don't know what i can do yet.

quo vadis domine

one of the more basic things that we tend to teach children and newer Christians is that God will lead the way and show us the path before us.

Knute has always taught (sometimes rightly, and sometimes to my dismay) that you can follow the will of God no matter where you go, and to an extent, no matter what you do. He always teaches that being in the will of God is not about specific places - "God doesn't care if you live in Florida or Ohio", and not about specific things - "God doesn't care if you're an engineer, a doctor, a lawyer, or a pastor." and to some extend of course he is right.

but I had been bogged down in this thought, and afraid, because in thinking that i could do anything and still be within the will of God, i became afraid that God didn't have a plan and i was going to have to figure out what to do with my life on my own.

but that's not what we teach... we remember the Israelites, who had a pillar of fire before them, and of Jonah, who was sent to a city he despised, and of Paul, who was sent to the Gentiles (and of Peter, who wasn't really), and of Nehemiah, who returned home to build the walls. and we teach that God has a plan (the famous Jeremiah 29:11), and that God has a plan for each one of us.

"Guide me Oh Thou Great Jehova" alex's blog reads.

"Quo Vadis, Domine" - the title of a pretty decent book, which can be poorly translated from the Latin to say, "Lord, where do we go from here?" (which the author attributes to be the sentiment of Peter, after the Lord had left.)

as i sit here envious of my friend joe and a man named strivings, and of anne and aaron, for the paths that God has led them in... i guess it's time to take comfort in my basic disagreement with Knute, that God does has something specific in mind for me, and it will be revealed in His time.

akron in the Fall

i went to cf for the first time this year last night, and while i knew it was coming, it was the first time it really hit me: my version of akron is different now.

i've been through changes before: i both moved to grove and moved back from grove. and i remember when i left grove to come back here, there was that terrible feeling hiding amogst my faith, that no matter what, i couldn't have all of the same things in my life anymore. there were some things (people) that i would have to move on from. things i loved.

and it hit me last night: akron is going to be different. this year is going to be different.



i had faith when i left grove that it was for a purpose ("akron OH - for a purpose", as my good friend Jon would have said, as he made the same change from grove that i did). and it was, and i love akron, and things are good.

but i feel like i have yet again come to the place where most of my best friends and people i admire the most are no longer by my side. but i can easily cling to my hope this time, because the last time i did this, God made things better than i even imagined.

i think that change is going to drive me back to my introverted self again for a while. so you might be able to read more of my life here.

the summer's going by fast

i look to the end of the summer for some changes: back to school for the last semester, moving to my third house in three years (also other people moving to new houses), as always in the fall good friends are moving on, weddings (no not mine), and moving into a new phase at my church where i'm not sure if i even have a place at the moment.

weird. and a weird summer it's been.

i want to write some thoughts about boston. i want to write some thoughts about the business world. i want to write some thougths about relationships.

i'm going to wait a few days i think.

lessons from the first few weeks of a desk job, Part 1

this is my first 8-5 experience. before this, for employment i have mostly been a server or a camp counselor. those are distinctive lifestyles in and of themselves...

but now, i sit in a cubicle, and mostly do things that amount to programming excel all day. which unfortunately i am good at, and so they continue to have me do it.

and doing this has brought to a head many things i had been feeling about my life, that i won't go in to at the moment, but the biggest thing it has brought me to, is to reevaluate why i began in economics in the first place.

this leads to two things:

1) there is nothing wrong of course with choosing to take a stable job and raise a family in a stable manner (though this gets more complicated if you are a woman, the way our culture works...)

2) i don't believe that i signed up for economics to sit in an office all day. i have a degree in math; i am already perfectly equipped to be useful in an office. however, this had led to my discovery of my own dealings with temptation.

i intend to post on these two things separately.